FLAGSHIP№ 01 / 04Jackpot Guards · Box № 01
JACKPOT GUARDS
SELECT SIZE
- Absorbency24,000 ml
- Session Window12 hours
- ProfileQuiet-Crinkle
- Shipped FromLas Vegas, NV
★ FROM THE PIT ★
"Down 40k at baccarat. If I'd left for the head, I would've missed the heater of a lifetime. These paid for themselves. And the lawyer."
— Sal "No-Bladder" Moretti · Atlantic City
№ 04 — The Fine Print
PRODUCT DETAILS
- MaterialIndustrial-grade non-woven polypropylene. Built to outlast your credit limit.
- Odor TechnologyCasino-Grade™ neutralization. Smells like nothing. Or winning.
- Discretion ProfileGhost Mode — quieter than a poker face.
- VIP CompatibilityApproved for high-limit rooms. Not approved for family dinners.
- PackagingShips in an unmarked black box. Your doorman will never know.
- Session Rating12-hour continuous play. Breaks not included.
№ 05 — Questions From The Floor
FAQ
№ 06 — The Guarantee
THE ALL-IN WARRANTY
"If you leave the table for any reason — bathroom, buffet, or bad judgment — and subsequently miss a jackpot, Jackpot Guards LLC will publicly deny any knowledge of your existence."
LIFETIME WARRANTY
Against regret. Not guaranteed against bad beats, tilt, or being banned from Caesar's Palace.
SATISFACTION
If you're not completely locked in, we'll assume you left the table. No refunds for quitters.
LEGAL COVERAGE
Not responsible for divorce proceedings, credit card debt, or your mother's disappointment.
★ Void where prohibited by common sense. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. ★